Adi, Avani and me were lazing around one morning last week and Avani asks why do we build the business. To this, Adi chuckled and replied "Stupid...you don't know why? The reason Papa builds the business is because
1. You like building the business
2. You can grow yourself
3. You can help other people
4. You can make money
5. You can learn good habits
6. You can set goals
7. You can increase your friends"
I thought it's easier to sponsor a 12 year old than a 24 year old...
A friend of Avani is very fair in her complexion and suggested to her in her childlike innocence that if she wanted to become fair like her, she should put crushed tomato on her face. Avani told this to us and we could instantly make out what was going on in her mind. It was not about the crushed tomato but the need she was feeling to look like somebody else. If this is not dealt with correctly, this can handicap a child mentally for life.
I told her that looking and becoming fair is great but it works only for a few minutes to impress other people. We as human beings are composed of 3 parts - body, mind and soul. The Soul is constant- it never dies and is never born - it continues to live on carrying all it’s memories and impressions, the body is fixed too in the sense that we are given it without too much choice - the only thing we can work is on our mind and thoughts. Whenever we interact with anybody, after the first few minutes when the focus is only on how we look, the only thing that decides the beauty of a person is the mind - what we think and what we speak. We can work on that and it’s in our control. And that’s the glasses that people see us through for all the time after the first few minutes. I think she got it.
I’ve been dark in complexion and coming from a family whose roots are based in UP, fairness is a BIG deal. I was literally the dark horse of the family. It would have been very easy for me to have an inferiority complex about myself and carry it all my life. But thank God, my parents were so wise, they programmed me in a way that I never even saw it that way. They always brought my attention to what matters in life - beyond only the skin....I’m forever grateful to them for saving me from the silliest problem in life...
Any one thing that children can engage in, apart from their schoolwork, can teach them all the success principles of life. It may be learning music, playing a sport or any other hobby like painting or dance.
The important thing is to choose something that firstly they love to do, secondly they are good at doing to some extent and thirdly is possible for us as parents to commit our time and money resources to, for the longer term. For Adi, those 3 conditions were in place for learning the keyboard and now graduating to the piano.
As he started taking extra classes for learning, it meant extra time commitment and discipline because other children are playing outside during that time.
For the first 1-2 days he was a little uncomfortable because the teacher was not familiar, and was a bit strict too for his liking. But then he figured out that good teachers are strict about doing things right. Also, soon he was working harder at home to just get that approval from his teacher.
Since his classes are affiliated to a music board examination, there were mock tests before the exam. He had no exposure to exams till now and went totally unprepared for the first mock exam. He scored a 40 on a 100 and just couldn’t believe that he was capable of doing that bad at anything. That same night, out of shame and disgust, he made a decision to practise for 30 minutes each day and wanted to score a 100. Success will require hard work and commitment.
The second mock exam he scored a 65 and realised that his best was not good enough and increased the practise time to 45 minutes finally leading to a decent 81 in the final exam. He could clearly see the connection between practise and results.
There are times he doesn’t practise and all I have to tell him is that if he doesn’t want to do it, I can just simply stop his classes right away. But he wants to learn and chooses to work hard at it. That’s what success in life is all about...doing what you love and choosing to work hard to become good at it....to be able to love it even more...
They say that we live our childhoods all over again through our children. And it’s so true. At least I’m living mine again for sure.
When I was small, each summer vacation we used to go visit my aunt and uncle who used to be a professor at IIT Roorkee. I have great memories of the 1-2 days that I used to spend over there every year.
One of the things I loved doing most was visit the neighbouring kids’ homes and playing there. Shachindra used to have tons of Lego blocks and that was the first time I saw them. Those days nobody in India would have even seen them and you could only buy them abroad. I could just keep looking at them and keep getting fascinated...and wait for the next year to return to play with them even if for just a few hours.
One thing I have realised about the magic of having time and money together is that after some time of staying free and relaxing deeply, it will rekindle all the old dreams inside you which are buried deep down. And that's what I started doing a few years back. Smaller Lego sets and then bigger sets and then still bigger. I have already spent a small fortune on them. The last one I got for Adi cost a bomb - it’s the ultimate in Lego - the robotics set of EV3 Mindstorms. Adi and me love spending time building and programming them...
Taru knows that I buy them for Adi.....but actually for myself...
Is winning or losing what matters, or is it how much we put into it?
We just had the 9% leadership and Sam was talking in his talk about how the captain of the Indian Cricket team when asked about losing a certain match remarked that it’s not winning or losing that they really concern themselves about. That they play a match every day of the year and if they did, they would go mad with the emotional roller coaster. What they care about is whether they gave their best or not. When they do their 100%, that’s winning for them - and that as far as that particular day was concerned, despite losing, they had actually won.
While in our strategy room today(shower, I mean - that’s the place I’m able to teach everything to Adi!!) Adi asked if I read something new that I want to tell him. And I told him what Sam uncle said in his talk. I told him that in all his matches of life, that’s what I will evaluate him by - not by whether he won or lost, but by whether he gave it his 100% or not. He agreed...
Some time back we were in Indore visiting parents. The first thing that the kids do with grandparents is take them to a toy shop and buy a gift. Avani this time chose a Dora mug and bought it. Taru thought she chose it because she likes Dora as a character. The moment she reached home she started justifying it - see Mama, the reason I bought this mug is not because her friend has it, but because she really liked it. She felt that the explanation was needed because in her heart she knew that the reason she bought it is because her friend has it too.
One of the things our parents taught us when we were young was that the worst reason to do/buy something is because somebody else is doing/owning it. Because there is no end to what you want or where you will end up. The teaching helped us reach here for sure.
Children just duplicate what we do. We have to do what we want them to do...
We changed the posters in our bedroom, on the mirrors etc. to reflect our new goals for 2011. And obviously it did not miss Adi’s eyes. He figured something had changed because he’s started reading now on his own. And the same evening he said, where are my goals? We told him, he’ll have to write down his own and nobody can do that for him.
He immediately brought a paper and wrote down the following:
read one story daily
prayer every day
do hw alone (do home work alone)
Books...books....books....a man’s best friends....
I have a habit of always buying a book whenever I am at the airport. The book stores are very well stocked there and there is always some time before boarding the flight. Adi has been observing this for some time now and this time when we were traveling to Indore, he also wanted to buy a book. I told him that he could, provided that he chooses on his own. Or that he at least choose a few and then I can help him decide on one.
I chose mine and he chose his. I stood in the queue and paid for mine and he for his book. I read mine on the flight and he FINISHED his on the flight!!!
Since then every time he’s been adding one book to his collection every time we travel. He has his own shelf in my bookrack and that’s how he likes it.
After attending 2 FEDs, Adi noticed one thing which he asked today morning. His question was, “Why was everybody saying Bill Britt, Bill Britt, Bill Britt in that FED all the time?” Keen observation, I must say.
I told him that there are 2 kinds of people. One kind of people live their entire life just for themselves and nobody is better off because they lived. Nobody remembers such people. And then there are people like Bill Britt whose life inspires millions of people to dream big and become better. And that’s why millions of people chant their name for years to come....
I pray that Adi becomes somebody like that...
On the way from the airport for the FED, Adi wanted to know Nathuram Godse would have been reborn by now or not. I told him that he had already come to this world again and it is in fact me!!! I was Nathuram Godse in my last birth.
He retorted violently at it and said it’s not possible. On the other hand, he said that I must have been Gandhiji in my previous birth. First I thought it was because of my hair (or no hair to be precise) but he said that I also tell very good things and Gandhiji also said very good things, so I must surely have been Gandhiji in my previous birth.
I liked the idea!!
We are on win-win as a habit of the 7 habits.
Daksh and Adi are good friends and both love to role play the characters of Ramayana. And it's always Adi who becomes Lord Rama - the preferred character of the story, obviously.
Today, Taru noticed for the first time, that Adi had become Meghnath or Lakshman or somebody and Daksh was playing the role of Lord Rama.
Whenever kids would come home, there would invariably be a fight on one toy that both the kids want to play with. That is past now.
After Adi has understood win-win, he knows that if his friends are not enjoying too, it'll be win-lose and that's a bad strategy to live with in life….
I read somewhere that the kids’ brains are most absorbent till the age of 7. It’s our responsibility now to give as much as we can for them to have a legacy for a lifetime.
Rummaging through the stack of books, I found this really nice book at the Hyderabad airport - 7 Habits of Happy Kids - by Sean Covey. Obviously, I picked it up right away and started reading it to Adi every day. We have reached habit no 5 only till now.
But he picked up 1 habit right away - First things first. Previously it was so difficult to make him sit and do cursive writing practice. Ever since he understood that chapter in which Sammy flunks the spelling test by Ms Hoot because he didn’t prioritize his days and did everything else but studies, the first thing he does after getting up in the morning is bring his notebook and do writing practice with me.
He also picked up the concept of making a list from that habit. And yesterday he was telling Divya to make a list of things to do before going out to the shop - that way you will not forget what you want to do.
I can imagine what an effective person he’ll grow up to become when he would have mastered all the 7 habits before he’s 6 years old.
It is so difficult to make adults understand things - and even if they understand they just don’t remember most of the time because their brains have become “set” with the ideas and the programming of years. With children it’s just the opposite.
I taught Adi a more advanced form of the “Law of Attraction” now that he can understand more. I taught him that the people who become tremendously successful in life are the ones who are positive minded all the time. They attract positive in their lives.
“That boy fights with me in school and I complained to the teacher” was a sure negative that was not confusing for him. But “Nobody fights with me in school” is also negative - this took 2 minutes extra to get absorbed the first time around. And then pat came the reply “because it also has fight in it”.
“I will not skate fast because I might fall and get hurt” was a clear negative but “I will skate fast and I will not fall” was also negative. And he understood very quickly that we are still talking and thinking about “falling” only.
And he could quickly rephrase both sentences to “Everybody in my school is friends with me and I enjoy with them” and “I will skate fast and fast and fast and I really love it”. Wow!!!!
In the midst of a sentence he will stop and say “oh...no....N..e..g..a..t..ive” he will catch himself...what a joy to know that his software will always work the right way.
And then there are questions which stay unresolved...till maybe Amma will get back with the right answer. She’s also thinking this time around.
Dronacharya asked Eklavya for his thumb in “Guru-Dakshina”. Was Dronacharya a good rishi or not? Difficult...
We’re still thinking...
Adi saw Chinu mama going to office today morning and asked if I also used to go to office. I told him that at one time I used to. But I worked very hard in the business so I don’t have to be away for so long every day just to make money. If I were going to office still, I would go in the morning and come back late in the evening and there would be no time for us to do all the things we do together.
To that Adi said...ok...you can go to the meeting...but don’t go to office.
If he understands it...why don’t we?
Adi got a mini snooker table as one of his birthday gifts. And I taught him how to hit the ball with the small cues that came along with it. Though it’s nowhere near what it should be, that’s not what matters.
I taught him how to play and then was playing with him today afternoon. I just couldn’t get any ball in. And then he said, “Let me tell you how to get the ball in...first you say...this time the ball will go in...and then you really hit hard...”. I tried it the way he told me and sure enough, it did go in.
Isn’t it the same for all successes in life too? Speak that you’ll hit the goal and then hit hard. The problem is that some of us are only speaking it and some of us only hitting it hard.
We were playing racquetball today. The rules are simple - if Adi hits and I can’t catch the ball, he wins. That part is easy.
But if Adi can’t hit or if he hits and I catch the ball, he says he has not ‘lost’. He says ‘he won a li’l bit’.
And this time around....I understand. You never lose. You either win big or you win a li’l bit. Till you are in the game, where is the losing? Losing is only when you quit!!
We were driving back from a product delivery and Adi asked - “When there are so many Gods, why can’t I see them? Are they behind the clouds, or are they very far or are they invisible?”
This one took me by surprise...his questions are so unexpected. And the only answer I have in such cases is “Amma knows all answers...let’s talk to her”
She said “God is there but you have to be very very pure to be able to see him. If you do good things, say good things, give to others, think right..you will become pure and only then will you be able to see God.”
He understood.
This is the prayer we both do after finishing our bath together
“Thank you God for health, wealth and wisdom. Thank you for nice Papa, nice Mama, nice Divya Didi and nice toys. Thank you for showing me the right path....”
I gave Adi a secret today that can take him a long long way. He wanted me to whisper it to him...after all it was a secret and nobody else should hear it. And here it goes.....”The man who can listen to his soul becomes the most powerful man in the world”. And very few people know this secret. Those who do become really powerful - like Swami Vivekanand could hear his soul, like Osho could hear his soul, like Ramakrishna Paramhansa could hear his soul.
And then I taught him how to listen to his soul. The soul speaks but in a very feeble voice which is very easily drowned in the noise of the world. Like when the police band next to our house is playing, it drowns the chirping of the birds. The only way to listen to the voice of the soul is to stop the constant noise of thoughts. He understood...how amazing - even adults don’t understand it most of the time.
And if he can remember this secret....he can really become the most powerful man in the world.